iamhealthiernow

I ended 2015 with my first IVF cycle being cancelled and not knowing if I would ever be able to have a baby. I also ended it with having adopted my son! Two big extremes on the emotional spectrum, which seems to be the theme for 2016 as well. Looking back on 2016, it was also a year of extreme ups and downs for me. Some 2016 Highlights: The Not-so-Good:  Failed fresh transfer for IVF Cycle #2  Failed FET #1 I got laid off --> unemployment  Cancelled IVF #3 cycle (converted to IUI #7) / failed IUI #7 Pregnancy Scares (SCH, bleeding, first trimester screening high risk)  The Good:  IVF Cycle #2 led to my one and only egg retrieval, one of those embryos would turn into my baby boy :)  My son was baptized  FET #2 worked and I became pregnant with my baby boy!  Starting a new job at a great company  Taking Financial Peace University  Getting serious about budgeting and attacking my debt Celebrating one year of being a forever family with m...

Somehow I feel like I'm doing my weekly pregnancy updates so often, like time is speeding up or something. I'm already 17 weeks pregnant...! Somehow that seems pretty significant to me for some reason, it sounds so far along in my head. Sometimes I still don't "feel" pregnant. I still don't "look" pregnant. Yet, here I am - getting closer to the half-way mark of my pregnancy. How amazing is that?  Some pregnancy randoms:  My MFM changed my insulin intake. I am now taking 12iu in the morning and 26iu at night. My fasting blood sugars just don't seem to be under the 95 that she wants. We also added a new insulin - Humulin R - of 4iu in the morning before breakfast.  I'm not a big sleeper on my tummy. I've always been a side-sleeper. But every so often I'll lay on my tummy when I'm reading or something. I can't do that anymore as it's become very uncomfortable and I start to feel sick.  If I sit a certain way or bend a certai...

I had my 4 week follow-up appointment with my OB this morning. What's nice about seeing my OB is that there's not all this "doom and gloom" when it comes to my pregnancy! I guess that's all saved for the MFM and genetic counselor. Going to the OB makes me feel like a normal pregnant lady. Normal pregnancy stuff: pee in a cup, take weight, check blood pressure, check for fetal tones on the doppler. Pee in a cup = nice that they use big cups and not little ones! Weight = didn't even make me take off my boots. With all my clothes on, I am -4 lbs. Blood Pressure = they said it was normal. Fetal Tones = 153 bpm! It was nice that they were able to find baby boy's heartbeat on the doppler. Last time, they weren't able to find it. He was hanging out on the left hand-side which seems to be his preferred spot. Discussion on Numb Hands / Feet  I asked the doctor about my numb hands/feet. She said it could be the diabetes or it could be the pregnancy. She suggeste...

After trying so long to get pregnant, I never really had time to think about the reality of what it would be like once I was pregnant. I was so focused on each step of my cycles, of my next injection, or my next monitoring appointment. Pregnancy was always this unobtainable dream that was just always a little out of reach for me.  Going through IUI's, IVF's, and FET's -- there's some comfort in the scheduling of it all. The expectations of next steps and clear "if / then" scenarios. It became pretty routine and normal for me to be going through each cycle and preparing for the next cycle at the same time.  Now that I've finally gotten pregnant, I feel like I'm in a new reality and dealing with so many uncertain things. None of it scheduled, no clear "if / then" scenarios. I never thought being pregnant would be a "cake walk" or anything. But I had imagined it being this whole enlightening experience where all I had to really worry ...

It's so weird how quickly time is going by, but at the same time - time is going so slowly. I guess all the worry about something being wrong just makes me grateful every time I make it one more week being pregnant. Like I'm itching forward. I can't seem to enjoy the pregnancy too much because every time I think all is well - something else comes up on the worry radar. BUT, trying to focus on the POSITIVE... baby boy seems to be doing really well. Growing at a good rate and measuring well.  Some pregnancy randoms:  It's weird being pregnant and not really "looking" pregnant. I'm at the in-between stage where my tummy hasn't really formed, but it's definitely looking different (or at least feeling different).  Being the holidays, it's hard not to CRY about everything. I've been doing pretty well, but it's been touch and go at times.  How far along : 16 weeks. How big is baby : An avocado. Ovia app:  Weight Gain : -10 lbs? I'm not s...

It's so funny, I was convinced I was having a GIRL ! I really was. Partly because my entire TTC journey I've been dreaming about having a baby girl. I even had a dream in 2009, that I wrote down. Here it is:  August 31, 2009 I had a dream I was in my brother's room at our old house (that we grew up in). I had two kids: a boy who was a toddler and a baby girl, just a few months old. The little boy had straight blonde hair. The little girl had a round face with brown hair. Little boy was sleeping while the baby girl just starred at me. I walked away from the room with her and was humming to her a familiar tune... but I can't remember it now. The humming seemed to be putting her to sleep. What's interesting to note about this dream is, I had it in 2009. The toddler I believe is my son... straight blonde hair. At the time, I thought that I would end up marrying a white dude that had blonde hair! But no, my son is adopted and I truly believe that I dreamt about him befor...

I had a looong 2.5 hour appointment at my MFM. Lots to go over. Genetic Counselor I thought after I received my NIPT results that were "low risk" that I was in the clear for genetic concerns. But I was wrong... I guess the First Trimester screening may still play a role in things. I had a low PAPP-A result and low HCG, which is bad. This is all hormone-related. What they want to do is do something called a Sequential Screening in the 2nd trimester. It's where someone would normally do the Quad Screening, but the Sequential Screening is a little more thorough than the Quad Screening. What they do is combine the NT Ultrasound results, the First Trimester Screening Results, my detailed ultrasound results, and the Sequential Screening results to come up with a risk value of low or high. Why all the concern on my hormone levels?  Turns out that there are a few things that the hormone levels can indicate: 1) The baby has a chromosomal abnormality that can't be seen on an...

It's been a weird 2 weeks for me. For one, I feel like I've been holding my breath - like I can't breathe.  On the other hand, I've been moving forward like nothing's changed - preparing for the baby, although cautiously. I even stopped talking to my son about the baby... just in case. I didn't order our announcement cards... just in case. It's like I hit the pause button, but at the same time had to move forward like everything was ok. Such a strange time to guard myself from bad news, but at the same time acting as though I would receive good news. Everything with my baby, to this point, has turned out ok. Low-starting betas = baby ok with strong heartbeat and growing right on target Subchorionic Hemorrhage = baby ok with strong heartbeat and growing right on target Ultrasounds = baby ok with strong heartbeat and growing right on target I wanted to believe in my heart that all would be ok, even with all this worry. Because there was no way I couldn't w...

15 weeks pregnant already...! Getting closer to that "half way" mark in the pregnancy at 20 weeks - only 5 weeks away! The pregnancy still doesn't feel "real" sometimes, like this is all pretend or something. I think once I can feel baby move, then it'll feel like everything is really happening. Some pregnancy randoms:  It's been nice being on less oral medications. I'm only taking my prenatal and baby aspirin right now. I think this is the less I've been on meds for the almost 2 years I was TTC.  I have a HUGE bruise on my tummy from the insulin shots. It got so big, there was no room on that side to inject on. I've been exclusively injecting on my right now -- but now that side is starting to form bruises. Sometimes that little itty bitty needle stings when it goes in. Odd after doing the PIO that the little insulin needle is giving me such grief.  How far along : 15 weeks. How big is baby : Navel Orange. Ovia app:  Weight Gain : -4 lbs Str...

I mentioned before Thanksgiving that I was going to let friends/family know about my pregnancy, see the entry here . It's funny. I was totally worried about sharing my infertility story, but no one even asked questions about that. Here is how most of the conversations went: Me: I'm pregnant! Them: "Who, what, when, how?" Or "Who's the dad?" Me: "There's no dad, it's just me." Or "A doctor helped me get pregnant." Them: "Oh, you did artificial insemination?" Or "Oh, you did IVF?" Me: Yes Then: "Oh ok." And... that's it really! I only had a few questions on choosing a sperm donor, but not as much as I thought I would. I also got a few concerns about me being "alone." One of my cousins just had a baby and he said he wouldn't leave his girlfriend alone while she was pregnant. So he kept asking me if I changed my oil, got my tires checked, before I drove to Cali. He even checked my ti...

I can't believe I'm in the 2nd trimester! It felt so very far away and now it's here. Here's what the last week looked like. How far along : 14 weeks How big is baby :  A peach. Ovia app:  Weight Gain : -4 lbs Stretch Marks : Nope.  Symptoms : Food pains, some headaches, sensitive breasts, get tired really easy.  Sleeping : Sleep? I wish! I'm not sleeping so well still.  Food cravings : I haven't been craving anything in particular. But man, when the food pains hit -- I feel so sick. Then I eat and I'm full really quickly. We went to a restaurant for dinner and I was so hungry, my stomach was talking and cramping. So, I decided to order an appetizer. I ate it so quickly, but it made me completely full that I couldn't eat my regular meal. Such a strange thing my eating habits have come to.  Food aversions : I *thought* I was over my egg aversion. Well, I'm able to eat eggs now -- but after I'm done it's a bit scary as my stomach feels very uns...

I had my diabetes follow-up with my MFM. MFM Followup  My sugars looked really good this week. I'm going to stop taking Metformin, as of today. No changes to my insulin levels, keeping them at 12 iu in the morning and 16 iu at night. This may need to be adjusted if my sugars spike from not taking the Metformin. I'm also going to do a "trial" run on coffee... and see what it does to my sugar levels. I normally only had 1 cup a day, but I add creamer -- can't drink it black. So, going to see if the creamer I use will impact my sugar levels. NIPT Re-Drawn My MFM did not recommend that I re-take the NIPT now. She wanted me to wait until 15 weeks. She also mentioned that there are studies that show if you have multiple inconclusive tests, that it can mean there is an abnormality with the baby... Which I had already read, so wasn't surprised when she said it. There's also some research to show that women overweight are more likely to have inconclusive tests. So ...

Every since I had my 1st Trimester Screening come back as "high risk" for Trisomy 18/13, I've felt so defeated. Like nothing was ever going to come easy with this pregnancy. The thought of something being wrong with my baby is so overwhelming that I can't let myself focus on it for too long. This anxiety and worry... it's tiring. I'm emotionally drained. Now, I realize that it's only a "screening" and not a diagnosis at this point. But that fear that my baby will be impacted by one of these fatal abnormalities just has me in a worry-storm. The uncertainty and the not knowing makes it even harder. Like I have no clue how to proceed. I was ready to share my pregnancy news and even have my pregnancy announcement card almost done. Do I wait? Do I continue to celebrate the pregnancy for now? I started looking more into the First Trimester Screening vs the Panorama screening, this was on the Panorama website:  https://www.natera.com/panorama-test/clin...

This week was not what I expected. I thought that once I got to 13 weeks, that I would have less worries, but with the "high risk" screening for trisomies 18/13 - I just find myself in a whole entire world of worry and concerns. I really hope that it's all a "worry for nothing" thing and that my baby is OK. None-the-less, I'm going to continue to track the pregnancy and see how things go along the way.  How far along : 13 weeks How big is baby : A Lemon. Via app:  Weight Gain :  -4 lbs Stretch Marks : Nope.  Symptoms : I feel almost "normal" right now. The only thing is I get really tired quickly when things get busy. The other thing is I get horrible hunger pains! I'll be fine and then I'll need to eat quickly. But then I end up not being able to eat that much.  Sleeping : Still tossing and turning at night. Getting side-sores. Seriously considering getting a pregnancy pillow, maybe it'll help?  Food cravings : Chocolate...  Food avers...

After taking so long to get pregnant, I used to imagine what being pregnant would feel like. I imagined it would filled with so much happiness, giddiness, excitement and so much planning for this new little life. Things haven't really gone that way for me... First, the low-starting betas. Second, the Subchorionic Hemorrhage. Now, I just found out I'm at a high risk for Trisomy 18/13.  1st Trimester Screening & NIPT Last week I had my NT scan  and I had my blood taken for two tests: 1) NT Blood Work (AKA 1st Trimester Screening) and 2) NIPT (Non-invasive pre-natal testing) with Panorama. The NT Blood work relates to your hormone levels. The NIPT is a DNA test.  I have to say, I was not worried about these blood tests AT ALL. I just wanted to know the gender! I didn't even really look into what they specifically tested for. Well, they test for Trisomy 21 (Down Syndrome), Trisomy 18 (Edward's Syndrome), and Trisomy 13 (Patau syndrome). Feel free to look them up. But ba...