Dealing...

Every since I had my 1st Trimester Screening come back as "high risk" for Trisomy 18/13, I've felt so defeated. Like nothing was ever going to come easy with this pregnancy. The thought of something being wrong with my baby is so overwhelming that I can't let myself focus on it for too long. This anxiety and worry... it's tiring. I'm emotionally drained.

Now, I realize that it's only a "screening" and not a diagnosis at this point. But that fear that my baby will be impacted by one of these fatal abnormalities just has me in a worry-storm. The uncertainty and the not knowing makes it even harder. Like I have no clue how to proceed. I was ready to share my pregnancy news and even have my pregnancy announcement card almost done. Do I wait? Do I continue to celebrate the pregnancy for now?

I started looking more into the First Trimester Screening vs the Panorama screening, this was on the Panorama website: https://www.natera.com/panorama-test/clinical-information.


I wasn't "scared" to redo the Panorama NIPT before... but I all of a sudden have this huge concern to do it, because look at the false positive rates, very low. If the Panorama comes back positive -- then it's really not good. With the 1st Trimester Screening, 80% for Trisomy 18 and 50% for Trisomy 13, there's room for error in there. 

After almost a week of letting the news of the high risk set in... I think I've calmed down "a little." It's been so busy with us traveling, then preparing for my son's birthday/birthday party -- that I didn't really have time to just let it sink in. I figure, there's absolutely nothing that can be done at this point. If my baby has a chromosomal abnormality, he/she has it. Me worrying over it can't change anything. My heart is pained though... just hoping to get good news this month. 

My MFM wanted me to wait until 15 weeks to retest with the Panorama. I'm going to ask if I can retest this week. It's been 2 weeks since my initial test, so hopefully there's enough baby DNA in my blood stream by now to get a result. Will see what she says. I figure, I'd rather know BEFORE my detailed ultrasound at 15 weeks the results of the Panorama. That way, I can have peace of mind - either way it goes. It'll also help me decide on doing an amnio. 

Some Good News 

There is some "good news." My company is changing their parental leave policy starting in 2017. Which is awesome! They're increasing paid leave to 8 weeks (originally at 3 weeks). What's also super great about that is, I had already budgeted for maternity leave. It was nicely funded by my refund from my fertility clinic, which is really the money I put in for IVF #3 that was cancelled. So now, I can reallocate that money somewhere else :) 

There's also a lot of other great things that have happened. I know I haven't written about other things non-pregnancy related, but everything else in life is going really nicely. I feel like my blog has been all "doom and gloom" lately. Hopefully after the NIPT results and after my detailed ultrasound, things will be clearer and I can try to be a happy go-lucky pregnant lady. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

FET 2 (Cycle #11): Baseline Ultrasound + FET Calendar

Image
It's so weird to jump from cycle to cycle! It's been a long time since I've done that... since my IUI's really. Yesterday was my beta test for Cycle 10 and today I had my baseline ultrasound to start my FET#2 Cycle. I had my ultrasound and everything seems to be well with my ovaries. Although my left ovary was hard to find (again).  The cyst from Cycle 10 is gone. Yay for that! My ovaries seem to have recovered from the stim meds and I officially start Birth Control tomorrow. My clinic has moved quickly and I already have my FET Calendar! Crazy. I have it listed at the bottom of this entry. A few things: My RE wants me to do another Saline Ultrasound (Sonohysterogram or SHG). I hate those things! I did the last one in November and I guess they recommend doing them every 6-9 months. Really hoping no polyp is found, like at my first Saline Ultrasound . If they find any polyps or fibroids, I'll have to make a choice to move forward with the FET or do another hystero...
Read more

My Induction Story and my Son's Birth - Day #2

Here is the continuance of my induction story. For how the first day of induction went, please see my entry on  Day #1 . Here is what happened on Day #2. Sunday, May 28, 2017 6:30am : They take the Cervidil out. The cervix check HURT LIKE HELL!!! The nurse didn't tell me what she was doing... but she decided to stretch my cervix while she was in there. She stretched it from a 1 to a 3! Ouch and ouch and ouch!!!! Argh. Not to mention she stretched it during a contraction -- so it was double (triple/quadruple) ouch. Effaced: 70% Dilation: 3cm  Position: -2  10:30am : We get the green light from the OB to start Pitocin. This means no more eating real food and I would be on a strictly liquid diet. The Pitocin goes through the IV and they would up the dosage every 30 minutes. What was also kinda cool is they switched me to a wireless baby heart rate monitor, which allowed me to get out of bed more and I could wonder around the room. I couldn't go too far though because I neede...
Read more

FET #2 (Cycle 11): Monitoring Appointment #2 - Transfer is a GO!

Image
I'm at the point in my cycle where I'm obsessively thinking about my FET. Doesn't matter how busy I am, it's on my mind - constantly. Non-stop. 24-7. I don't remember if I was this intense or not on my last cycles. I've been trying to keep busy, but it doesn't matter - my mind and heart are "all in" about this FET. All in with my last two embryos from IVF #2 . I remember feeling so optimistic and happy with the results of that cycle and thinking I was just so much closer to having a baby. My very last 2 embryos, my day 6-ers that trudged to the blastocyst stage, is all that's left of that cycle and of all my IVF tries thus far. It feels like a huge deal to me. If this doesn't work, I have to start over. All over. Do it all again. My mind just can't wrap around that concept just yet...  I'll know in 14 days if this cycle works or not. My beta is on 9/30. Crazy. Two more weeks until I can know what my next few months are going to loo...
Read more