iamhealthiernow

It's been an entire week since my big bleed last week. Thankfully the bleeding/spotting seemed to stop last Friday. But it has been a long week waiting for my ultrasound to make sure everything was OK with baby boy. I'm surprised I handled the wait so well... I'm usually more stressed and worried than I was. I think at this point in my pregnancy, I'm just so tired of all the worry... It's hard to worry "more" or "harder" than I already have. I realize there's nothing I can really do if something is wrong... it almost makes me feel defeated in a way... But worrying endlessly just doesn't help and isn't productive. Ultrasound They were running behind at my MFM's office, so my appointment ended up lasting a little over 2 hours. I was worried for the ultrasound and once she got the image up - I couldn't really tell if he was moving - because he wasn't moving much at first. Then all of a sudden he started moving around a ton! S...

Officially 21 weeks pregnant. Feels super far, but at the same time doesn't feel far enough. It's been a very... very long week. I'm just grateful that all seems well with baby boy right now. How far along : 21 Weeks, 3 more weeks to viability  How big is baby : An Endive. Ovia app:  Weight Gain : -4 lbs (with clothes on)  Stretch Marks : No new ones, but I am starting to get some itchy feelings on my tummy. I am starting to show though, even though it's a "questionable" bump and not obvious if you didn't know I was pregnant.  Symptoms : Nothing new or un-ordinary. A bit of insomnia and just feeling completely exhausted. It's also hard for me to take deep breathes lately (probably because I've been sick). Like I feel like my stomach is filling so much of me, if that makes any sense.  Sleeping : Not sleeping well. Don't feel rested when I do sleep. Having to go pee more frequently lately, I think baby boy might be resting on my bladder.  Food c...

The last few days were a little out of the ordinary for me... I've only told 3 people IRL about having to go to the hospital for my bleed (my mom, my son's godmother, and my friend that works at the hospital I was at). I don't know why I don't want to tell anyone... I guess it's because this pregnancy has been riddled with just some scary stuff and I've found that although people are supportive and all -- they don't know what to say to me when something bad happens. If that makes any sense? I guess none of their words really help either, it makes them feel uncomfortable (at times), and I HATE getting any type of sympathy. The "I'm so sorry" words kinda suck...  I even hate more, "Don't worry about it" comments. I get it though, I always have a hard time with the right words when I speak to my friends and they're going through difficult times. I suppose I just didn't want to deal with that dynamic right now. I have to say....

At about 4pm yesterday I went to the bathroom and when I wiped, I had bright red blood. I tried not to freak out... but then I kept wiping and there was more and more blood. I looked in the toilet and there was a lot of blood in the toilet that had leaked out. There were also some small blood clots in the blood. It was so unexpected and so "out of place" in a way...  we had just gotten home and my son was in the living room singing and playing and just so happy... he was having such a good day and I was looking forward to spending the evening with him. To get bleeding, seemingly out of nowhere, just felt like a moment that shouldn't be happening at such a happy part of the day. I remember looking at myself in the mirror in such shock that this was happening and not knowing what to do or what to think or how much to worry or what. I didn't think I would go to the hospital due to my last experience with bleeding - where they didn't really do anything and I could...

I'm officially at the HALF-WAY mark in my pregnancy! 20 weeks in and 20 weeks to go. Although, if my MFM decides to induce me at 38 weeks, then I really only have 18 weeks to go... crazy. Random : One co-worker asked me, "Was this planned?" I wasn't offended at the time and just responded with "Yes, it was planned. I've been trying for awhile and it finally worked." But now that I think about it -- it was a little out of line! Some people...  I had my first "curious" look at my tummy area, but no questions asked.  My son's teacher asked me, "When are you due?" Didn't even ask me if I was pregnant! LOL, what if she was wrong and I wasn't pregnant?! How embarrassing that would be. It cracks me up though, some people are just so comfortable asking things like that. Made me wonder if my son mentioned a "baby brother" or something.  I guess my baby bump might be starting to pop out after all! But really, I think that...

You'd think it would be an easy decision to close my foster license. I'm almost 20-weeks pregnant, I have a 3-year old preschooler/toddler, I work full-time, I have volunteer commitments, not to mention normal "life" stuff. The decision should be easy...  But it wasn't.  I've been a foster parent for almost 6 years now. A lot of my friends/network came from my connections though the foster care community. I have loved being a foster parent ( most of the time ). It's how my son came into my life. Being a foster parent has been something I've always been proud of. Here I am at a certain point in my life where things are changing. My focus is changing. I originally became a foster parent when I was a single woman with no children. I wanted to help families stay together and help children that were in need. That was almost 6 years ago. Now, I'm a single parent with one son and a new baby on the way. I'm 1+2 now. Things have definitely changed. Wher...

I've been meaning to post some of my TWW experience from my successful FET #2 Cycle  (Cycle 11). I think I was holding back until things looked good with the pregnancy. Well, I'm almost 20 weeks now - so maybe it's time I just post it! I did post blog entries on my TWW here and here . These notes I took as I obsessed over the TWW, the unedited version where I was symptom spotting and hoping for a miracle. Not sure how much of this was due to me actually being pregnant or if it was more anxiety or medicine related. But here are my obsessive ramblings: 1dpt : feeling tired, feeling hopeful. I've been feeling nauseous almost this entire cycle. I still feel nauseous. Normal foods aren't appealing to me. 2dpt : felt some pinching in my uterus, hoping it's implantation. Still have food aversions. Lots of progesterone side effects. Sore boobs. 3dpt : some cramping in my uterus. Hoping it's not AF. I tested early on an internet cheapie. BFN. But I expected that, it...

I've been meaning to write an update on how everyone has reacted to my pregnancy so far. I mentioned a little bit in my last blog entry , but more has happened since then. When I told my dad and older brother I was pregnant, I didn't really get a reaction from them -- which I expected. I could tell my brother was a little bothered by my use of donor sperm. He asked a few questions about it, but didn't give his opinion on it. In a way, I'm happy he didn't. On the other hand, I wish he did. I share my ultrasound pictures with him and he seems a bit fascinated with them. Maybe he'll say something later on, maybe he won't. Guess time will tell. I was surprised to hear that my dad had a very strong reaction to me being pregnant. A very NEGATIVE reaction. He basically (not to my face) said that I was "stupid for getting pregnant by myself" and that it was a "stupid choice." At first I was pretty angry about what he said... well, hormonal pregna...

I feel like I've been waiting forever for my Anatomy Scan! In reality, I haven't been waiting very long. I do have to admit that I get a bit nervous every time I have an ultrasound. Yes, I'm excited to see the baby -- but at the same time I get so worried they'll find something wrong. Will the fear ever go away? Maybe not...  The Anatomy Scan is a Level 2 ultrasound. This is where they look at everything and measure everything on the baby. Mine took about an hour, then we had to look again at a few things -- so total took maybe 1 hour 15 minutes.  We started off looking through the abdominal. At first I was worried because I didn't really see baby boy moving and couldn't really see the flicker of his heartbeat. So, I held my breath. Then I saw him wiggle away from the probe as the ultrasound tech put pressure on my tummy. Baby boy is in a breach position and was vertical with his bottom sitting on my cervix.  After we got all the shots they can get abdominally, ...

Entering the 19th week of pregnancy and I still do not look pregnant! I haven't popped at all, which kind of sucks. I'd prefer looking pregnant as I feel so very pregnant. And someone rubbing their tummy all the time who doesn't look pregnant can look a little weird. LOL. Oh well. Maybe soon-ish? Every day I wake up and check if I *look* pregnant. In some ways, it still doesn't feel real to me. I know baby boy is in there, but I guess once I start looking pregnant and feeling more consistent movement -- it'll really start to feel real. One more week until I'm half-way there...! Which is wonderful and crazy all at the same time.  How far along : 19 weeks. How big is baby : A mango. Ovia app:  Weight Gain : No doctor appointments, so no weigh-in this week.  Stretch Marks : No new ones yet.  Symptoms : Nothing new.  Sleeping : About the same. Food cravings : Cereal... and whole milk. Ugh. Those are the worse for a diabetic. Of course I only crave food that I can...

Last week I wrote about getting some genetic testing done : 1) Fragile X and 2) the Sequential Screening (2nd trimester test). I received the call yesterday from the genetic counselor and she told me that all the tests were "within normal range." This is REALLY good! But... as optimistic as the genetic counselor is, she had to say, "This reduces the risk, it does not eliminate it." Sheesh. It's weird going through all these tests and the possible doom and gloom just hanging around waiting to either lift or attack. When I got the results, I thought I would be filled with excitement and relief. But I guess after my excitement about the NIPT coming back low-risk and thinking I was "in the clear" from the scare -- I just can't let myself feel too relieved. Like the moment I do, something else will drop in unexpectedly. I guess the way that the genetic counselor explained it is, these results "lower the overall risk." The PAPP-A results from ...

I know I say this every week, but every week feels like a milestone to me. I am officially entering my 5th month of pregnancy and it feels amazing to have made it this far.    How far along : 18 weeks. How big is baby : An artichoke. Ovia app:  Weight Gain : -6 lbs. My MFM is worried about my weight loss. I find it a little funny that when I don't want to lose weight --> I'm losing weight. When I want to lose weight --> it seems impossible.  Stretch Marks : No new ones yet.  Symptoms :   Feeling uncomfortable . Before this week I haven't really felt any different physically. A few aches and pains, but nothing major. This week changed that! All of a sudden my stomach feels highly uncomfortable. I feel myself slouching and my posture is horrible. Certain sitting positions hurt. But it's weird because I don't really LOOK any different.  Pains in my tummy. I think I'm going through major round ligament pain. I've been getting these random pains and ...

I had my weekly follow-up with my MFM today and there was lots to discuss, as usual.  Diabetes Followup  My blood pressure was really good at my appointment today, which surprises me because I feel like I have all this anxiety... maybe it's all in my head and not really reflecting in my body? They also checked for baby's heartbeat on the doppler. It was kind of funny because we found it right away, but baby moved and it took her about 20 minutes to find it again! You could hear him moving away from the doppler. I think she was pressing too hard. He doesn't normally move if you press the doppler lightly. LOL. It's always wonderful hearing his precious heartbeat. It was beating away at 156 bpm. I thought my blood sugars looked excellent the last week. I've been cooking at home a lot lately and hardly going out to eat. But apparently, it's still not where it's supposed to be. We are upping my insulin intake AGAIN. Morning: Humulin N 16iu, Humulin R 6iu Evening:...